How to have a guilt-free new year?
Posted on December 30, 2019
Women are vivacious and glorious. They can handle every situation with grace and love. They are always ready to take up any responsibility and committed to what they do. The only thing that can let them down is the feeling of guilt. With guilt, they have: Low productivity Low efficiency Low vitality Low self-esteem Here are the few tips that can help you live your 2020 guilt-free and shed the guilt for 2019. But, before we start with the tips, remember, no one is perfect, and neither anyone needs to be. The feeling of imperfection is the primary reason for guilt, especially if we don't accept ourselves as we are. Unintentionally, we fall apart within while holding this guilt factor within us. Here are the ways to lead a guilt-free 2020:
1. Focus on your real feelings and needs: Webster defines guilt as "the fact or state of having committed an offense, or wrong against moral or penal law.” Being a woman makes us think from all prospective. In the race of fulfilling the expectations of everyone around whether it's kids or a partner or a parent, even friends, we forget who we are. This all makes us feel guilty. You cannot keep everyone happy all the time. It's good to be selfless; however, paying no heed to personal preference is an offense.
2. Stop accepting unreasonable judgment: In one of our articles, we talked about how being judgmental creates hopelessness within. Judgment destroys creativity, which in turn affects our productivity. Most of the time, we feel guilty within. And it has nothing to do with the surroundings. It's our perception that needs to be changed ASAP. When we think out of the league, we feel guilty because we are taught to paddle forward and not backward. The fear of being judged by someone, whether they are an essential part of your life or not, gives birth to the vicious circle of guilt. Here is the quote: "Let them judge; it's neither your concern nor your debt."
3. Advice wisely and do not overthink: We want people to learn from our experiences, and for the matter of fact, we tend to advise others. But, sometimes, after we advise our mind starts assuming thoughts of regret such as: what if the other person did not like it or if the advice has been taken otherwise. We advise with good intentions, but still, we may feel guilty without knowing how it impacted the other person. This should be avoided as it makes us feel low without any reasonable cause. What you need to remember is do not overthink because your intentions were pure and for the sake of the person.
4.There is no right or wrong: The feeling of being right or wrong in any situation is how our minds are conditioned. It's not inborn. That's why when we are kids, we tend to forgive everyone, and we take everything very lightly, and this is how life should be.
5. It's ok to say NO sometimes: We all encounter a situation where we want to say no, but because of our "so-called" principles, we don't. We are flooded with questions like Will it be embarrassing if I say no? Or what people will think? Or he or she will get hurt. And luckily, if we say NO, we dive deep in guilt. Our brain starts finding reasons to feel guilty. No one knows whether our NO is impacting anyone or not. But acknowledge that this is all our assumption that if we say NO, the series of events will happen. Guilt will not only impact you but also the people around you. Guilt makes you moody and inefficient at work, hence before you step into 2020, promise yourself to live a guilt-free year.
5 ways to deal with Body-shaming
Posted on December 27, 2019
Almost every working mothers struggle with the constant judgment and interrogation for body-shaming and physical appearance. The pressure of getting into the pre-pregnancy physique and get fit into the old clothes is daunting and creates anxiety issues among them. In the community sentiment, worrisome emotions dominate our minds rather than focusing on taking action. Here are a few extremely important things to remember to get yourself out of this situation: It's a temporary phase: Before we jump onto appearance, it's essential to acknowledge that this is not how you are or will be, it can be changed. So, you have to convince yourself subconsciously that this is just a phase that will pass on. The best is still to come. Every time you feel body shame repeat these words in front of the mirror and assure yourself that you will take action to achieve your fitness goals. Use these affirmations: This is a temporary phase that will pass on. Do not compare: We usually fall into the trap of comparison, and when we compare, we despair. Remember, everyone is blessed with a different immune system, and everybody is unique. As a mother, the body goes through various hormonal changes, and the body response is subjective. The person you compare with, be it your friend or your favorite celebrity, their body responsiveness is naturally different. So, It's better to compare with self, then and now. Take action today: We all have long term commitments and plans, but it's all in our mind. All our plans are waste and void if not implemented, so commit yourself to take action and stick to the plans unless you achieve your target. The research conducted at Harvard school proves that it's always recommended to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day because your brain is like a muscle, and when you exercise, it increases heart rate, which pumps more oxygen to the brain. Apart from physical fitness, exercise enhances the release of a hormone called endorphins, which triggers positive feelings as well as you supply your skin with a good amount of oxygenated blood, which gives you post-exercise glow. The best form of exercise for working mothers is yoga, as it activates every part of your body and charges you for the daily routine. Listen to your body: There is no ideal weight or shape. As long as you feel healthy and strong, not too tired and frustrated, and you feel energetic enough all day, then you are fit. DO not bother yourself about the charts and formula to calculate your weight. See how your body responds. If you feel pain in any body part or increased heart rate from wear and tear, talk to a doctor. Do not overthink if your body is not as flexible as it used to be. It is usual and once you start practicing stretching exercises, Follow customized diet plan: As a working mother, the most outwit blunder we all pursue is to follow a generic diet plan. Just because your favorite celebrity follows the KETO diet, you follow the same. This results in irreversible body damage or takes years to heal. There are various factors to be considered while defining your diet plans, such as your schedule, lifestyle, personality, amount of physical activity, and so on. Consult some experts before you plan your diet because health is the most prominent aspect to lead a happy life and regain work-life balance. Discuss the diet plan customized as per your body needs. Take advice from a nutritionist or an expert person who understands human anatomy and has been helping working mothers. Here is a quick video about how we can empower ourselves when our body becomes unacceptable to society. If you are still trying to fit in your pre-pregnancy clothes just for meeting mankind’s expectations then watch this video.
Working mother as a warrior.
Posted on December 25, 2019
Being a working mother is the most challenging role to play in women's lives, as they have multiple roles and responsibilities while taking care of themselves and reaching out to their family and work expectations. Every hour of the day is like a battle, and that's why we call them Warrior. It's like being in the battlefield and non-stop bullets firing at you from random directions. Working mother at the workplace: A woman spends years to develop a stable career, and they love working. Opportunities for working women shift or cease when they are back from maternity leaves or sometimes if they have to give priority to their children. Unfortunately, it has been observed at a few workplaces the working moms are called off for being inefficient at work or blamed for leaving early. It is quite difficult to steady the scales for working mothers because there is a mental pressure of not being so perfect. In fact, the working moms are discriminated in regards to pay and promotions for being less attentive and devoted at work as compared to women who don't have children. Despite the fact that they have additional financial responsibility, and sometimes they are single mothers, the employer may terminate the job, which results in depression, anxiety, and other psychological issues at work. Working women as a solicitor: Working mothers seek support from family, friends, and co-workers; however, that is not the case always. Despite countless responsibilities, a working mom has to advocate issues like taking an off for an event at the kid’s school or not showing up for the corporate and social meetups just because they have doctor's appointments for their children. The people around you expect you to be present as you used to be and don't take the reasons for not showing up in a healthy way. Mother as a meal planner: Planning meals and making dinner is an encumbrance for a working mother as you need to take care of the nutrition and diet requirements. Further, the accountability of following the planned meals remains with the working mother. The frustration occurs when you expect your plan will be implemented successfully, but that doesn't happen. It could be because you forget to cook or kids had something unhealthy. Not meeting the diet goals makes a working mother frustrated over time. The battle goes on, and in all this hassle, you forget about your own healthy meal plans. Mother as a responsible guardian: Every mother wants to spend more time with kids and love to see them playing soccer, drawing, and other unstructured activities. Additionally, working mothers have a responsibility towards the curricular activities of kids at school and their timely assignment submission. Working mothers spend less time with kids, which creates insecurity for not being able to emotionally connect with their children and hence, had to fight for time-management. Mother as a personal being: In all this wrestle of responsibilities, self-care is completely compromised. Do you remember when the last time you committed to your goals for self and stick to it? Especially the physical and mental health goals. The job, school drop-offs, meal planning is a tough row to hoe. What we forget is, self-care which should be the priority to get everything in place. We tend to forget that if we are not happy and fit, we may be low on energy, and those vibrations impact our children the most. Further, for self-care, a guide and a lifestyle expert can create a difference in how you deal with nasty situations. Think about the day what will happen if you fell sick? or you feel depressed? No one else can take your place because you are the most important person in all these activities. Self-care is extensively required. Get some expert advice who can help in time management as well as help you prioritize your health. Be proud of yourself as you are managing the most complicated tasks of this world.
How to turn from hopeless to hopeful?
Posted on December 23, 2019
“Where there is a will, there is a way.”
The dictionary meaning of Hope is the feeling of something good will happen, or the feeling of wanting something to happen, and expecting that will happen. The anatomy of life is, what we want in life may not always come true. Sometimes, mishappenings make our lives hopeless. According to the teachings of the buddha, Hope is the one thing that is stronger than fear. No matter how old the quote is, it still prevails. Here are a few ways that will help you being hopeful again:
1. Break the vicious circle of Judgement: Even before we talk to the people, we judge them. When we judge, we skip to conclusions, and our point of view becomes pessimistic. We cannot appreciate someone with all heart into it because of our mindset's perceptions, which makes us hopeless. Here is the research that proves how the more you judge, the worse you feel and how it leads to depression and anxiety. For any relationship whether personal or professional, it is always the best choice to be neutral, otherwise, hopelessness is obvious.
2. Give it a break: Many a time, it is good to leave it sometimes. For example, if you are unemployed and in search of jobs with no success. OR you ask your partner to stop smoking but they don’t. No matter how hard you try the feeling of rejection and ignorance creates hopelessness. When we are hopeless we see our situation in a polarised way. We affirm the words like: Nothing will change, my situation will remain like this, It’s a dead-end and so on. The mind seeks external help and someone, it could be your colleague or partner or a mindfulness expert has to intervene this trail of negative hopeless affirmations. Sometimes a break in monotonous hopeless feelings can change the way you think. We call it: TYK which means take your time.
3. Apply the Law of substitution: The Law of substitution refers to replacing unfeasible thoughts with workable thoughts. It is one of the proven laws that have a theory behind it. It says that you cannot switch your thoughts directly from being hopeless to hopeful. Divert your mind by reading/listening to a motivational talk or play with your kids or go for a walk in nature. Hence, the only way is to replace the thoughts to something you are hopeful about. This temporary shift of thought is a considerable way to make oneself hopeful.
4. When others grow you flourish: This is the law of the universe that, the more you give the more you will be in abundance. It is the most simple and effective way to be hopeful. When you are stuck in any unescapable and prolonged problems, pause your repetitive negative thoughts of being hopeless. Open the doors for people who need help.
5. Do not expect from others- take charge of all: Most of the time we become hopeless when people don’t meet our expectations. For instance, if you ask your colleague to take additional responsibility on your behalf just because you did it for him last time is like creating an expectation log here. If he denies doing, the hopelessness will dominate your mind and that’s how we fall into a loop of feeling dejected. Here, in this situation it’s alright to delegate work however, expecting him to do for you as a favor is where you went wrong. Whatever the reason maybe, just because you will not eat the lion that doesn’t means the lion will not eat you. To be hopeful, do not blame people disappointing you, rather think of not expecting anything in return. Good deeds shall not be counted for reciprocated favors.
Every night has a Morning, Every wave will go back and forth & Ever& end has & new be&inning. So hold on, when you are in dark you are not capable of seeing the light ahead. Be hopeful!
5 most effective ways to stop Self-Negative dialogue.
Posted on December 20, 2019
The last blog was about Negative self-talk. We all encounter such situations with no exception. It is natural and cannot be avoided, but what can be done is to reduce the impact or set the alarm for yourself for such situations. It is quite tricky and will create no difference if I say think positive because thinking positive doesn’t work when we feel devastated. However, there are ways to minimize the effects of negative self-dialogue and a process to convert a negative emotion to intellectual thought. We don’t ask you to compromise, but after reading the reasons, we are sure you won’t deny the fact of how important it is to stop such inner dialogue. Here are the 5 most effective ways to shut down the blabbering thoughts that create negative emotions: 1. Self-awareness and Self-realization: Awareness creates curiosity, which in turn leads to reciprocity. It means when we are aware of our negative emotions, we try to understand consciously what triggers the negative talk. This is very crucial when we are not in alignment with our positive thoughts. The self-awareness can be activated by consistently practicing a few techniques such as: • Reminding ourselves few times a day about thinking consciously or set up an alarm on your mobile phone • Find an accountability partner • Review your thoughts at a specific time of the day. Try these techniques for seven days, and you will feel the difference in your productivity and relationships. 2. Do not abscise rather neutralize: This is the trench where everyone falls i.e. when we are aware of the negative self-talk, we try to stop it or run away from those thoughts. Since we have a lower ability to see the opportunity, this creates an additional negative impact. For example, if you had a bad fight with someone, you are not in alignment with your thoughts. The feeling of anger, anxiety, and fear is already on your mind, and you cannot expect yourselves to be happy and in love. Similarly, our brain needs to be neutralized first to discard any further negative self-talk. 3. Let it flow; do not react: It’s all about mindfulness and not being a watchman to stop any thought. However, it would be best if you write down the negative dialogue in case you encounter it. You can either write it or record it on a mobile phone, whatever is convenient. Here is the worksheet that can help write your thoughts and reflect on it. Download the sheet and write down your thoughts as instructed for seven days. Observe the pattern of repetitive thinking. As discussed in the last article about how this negative Self-talk impacts our strength, it needs to be mentioned in this worksheet. 4. Take time to re-evaluate: When you write something, the mind perceives it; the intensity could be high or low. Hence, this exercise will allow you to understand the underlying thought behind the negative self-talk. The facts supported with reasoning become logical, and that’s how you can activate the thought of reviving your negative self-dialogue. This seven days worksheet will provide clarity about the triggers of your Negative self-talk as well as portraits how badly they impact your strengths. Re-examine and understand the recurring pattern of brain. Scrutinize the thought that repetitively poked you to trigger negative self-talk and identify the people or the circumstances for whom you hold grudges. This clarity is half the battle won and makes you feel cured. 5. What you lose, no one cares: The perplexity of our mind is infinite. We are aware, but we ignore; we all can solve, but we confuse, and; we all have an ability to understand that this will harm oneself, but we refuse to give up the Negative self-dialogue. Whatever you experience in this negative state of self-dialogue is affecting your physical and mental health. When you keep reminding your brain about this fact, the intensity of negative self-talk reduces automatically. Next time when you have negative self-dialogue, this state of translucency will help you to be mindful about your thoughts and be at peace. Although, it will take time as this is a marathon not a race.
Why you should stop negative self-dialogue?
Posted December 18, 2009
Is something stopping you from performing at the next level, and you can't find what it is? Do you experience the voice within saying:
• I can see them whisper, are they talking about me? • Why everyone treats me like that? • I will fail again. • I am so bad at work. • Will they laugh at me? Everyday we encounter such situations, which leads to negative self-talk resulting in toxic emotions. If you had this dialogue last week, then you must know how bad it is for your mental and physical health: 1. Demarcating your strengths: When you undertake such negative dialogue within, you are actually weakening your strengths. According to research on athletes, it has been observed that when they perform after having negative self-talk, they end up losing the goal, and it is detrimental to their victory. Similarly, every day we struggle to set priority and achieve our goals where the negative self-talk is an integral part of our subconscious mind. The lack of awareness and acceptance has made this phenomenon prevalent. We tend to circumvent and refuse to change despite the fact that we are capable of being a much better performer. 2. Corollary overwhelming Stress: Negative inner self-talk is equivalent to the unwanted denounced conversation with someone which, consequently leads to irrelevant stress. It is one of the spurned symptoms of the first stage of depression. The hard-pressed commitments and pre-eminence tasks of the day might lead to an undeniably busy schedule. Unconsciously, the self-talk goes on, although it is the mix of negative and positive feelings that we tend to avoid. The fact is, the stress in the outer world, when coupled with negative self-dialogue, increases the intensity ten times, which inevitably leads to depression. 3. Imbalanced relationships: The accumulated stress affects the way we make perceptions about people around, such as your partner, boss, colleagues or kids. It reduces the power of understanding and conception. This is apparent in our behaviour, for instance, unnecessarily getting irritated frequently or reacting to every conversation or taking all conversations personally. This impacts the relationships awfully. Gloom-ridden perceptions in personal and professional life are the mere outcome of negative self-talk. 4. Impact on physical health: Believe it or not, your energy vibrations impact your physical health drastically. If you experience unreasonable headache or body ache, it's time to revaluate your inner dialogue. When you are mentally suffering, it has a direct impact on your muscles as they contract, which leads to muscle malfunctioning. It consequently impacts blood circulation, which means the initiation of high blood pressure. Further, we know how badly High Blood pressure affects the body organs, especially the heart. As a famous quote says," If you lose health, you lose everything." 5. Indecisiveness or Double edged mentality: The decision making becomes elimination games when we indulge in negative self-talk. It decreases the speed and accuracy of how the brain works. This happens while we encounter a situation to answer a question or make a choice; the clarity of thoughts is imperative. However, owing to the fact that we are already tangled in negative self-talk, the power of making quick choices gets deferred. Self-talk is one of the most powerful dialogues that can help you excel at everything you do. It is about exploring the possibilities of inner strengths. However, when self-talk turns to Negative self-talk, it is as toxic as poison for the brain and body. It is very common and needs to be addressed to improve the quality of life and human well-being
5 ways to deal with FOMO for Working Mothers
Posted December 16, 2019
Nowadays, the buzz word FOMO is in the air, which refers to the fear of missing out, especially when it comes to social media. This is common among teenagers where they feel anxiety about missing out on what their friends do that they are missing out because of not being in the moment. However, that is just one aspect of FOMO. It is most likely the term that can be associated with everyone who experiences the soul-crushing feeling of not being in the moment, especially the working mothers. Motherhood is the basket of assorted responsibilities with no scope to escape any of them. It has been discussed in one of my article about trying to be perfect in every aspect. FOMO is the outcome of this overwhelming thought of imperfection. It could be related to:
• Perfection at Work • Missing out on precious time with family • Careless about personal wellbeing. • Body shaming • Other miscellaneous unconscious reasons.
Here is the best way to deal with FOMO:
1. Awareness and acceptance: In the rush hours, we forget to realize what we feel, and this makes us think sicker at the end of the day. Take a few minutes from your hectic day and recognize the state of mind and which situation has maximum impacts on your mindset. FOMO is not an overnight event as it develops with time, so, take some time every single day at least for a week. Once you know and accept and get to grip with, it will be easy to deal with the situation.
2. Latch onto the reality: Once you accept that you have FOMO, the next step is to understand and cognize the fact that this is the reality, and the truth FOMO is curable. The fact is your time needs to be allocated to every section of life. When you are at home, it must be a device-free zone and enjoy with your kids. Tell them that you are present for them every time they need you. Try to catch up with them when committed, or surprise them without any commitments.
3. Grab the attitude“ let it be”: Don’t try to be a Wonder Women. The fear of Judgement is from within, so try some breath work when your nerves get puffed up with the FOMO on your work efficiency. In this world, everyone will judge you, what difference you can make is NOT getting impacted about what they think about you. Remember, you cannot make everyone happy, so stay satisfied to cook-a-hoop for your loved once.
4. FOMO is stereotype-discern it: FOMO is the demeaning pain point of all the working mothers, especially those who go out for work. Hence, don't feel left out and make sure that you are networking in person rather than through social media. Because, communicating and engaging in the groups in your neighborhood is better than getting into rabbit hole of social media. For instance, be friends with your kid’s friend’s working parent or collogues at work who are working mothers. Find people nearby, when you share your experiences you feel better as you know that many mothers are in the same boat. However, do not compare yourself with other working mothers as everyone has different family conditions and circumstances.
5. Spare some “ME time”: There is a famous saying, " All resides within you," and when we dismiss our self-talk, we lack behind in every circumstance and develop a feeling of FOMO. So try some self-talk or take external help. Deep sleep is a must for a healthy mind and body. You can avail of some free restorative sessions for deep sleep relaxation.
Being a working mother is your choice, and you cannot miss out on the zeal of being at work as well as the joy of being a mother. Avoid any negative self-talk, which leads to FOMO. Life is beautiful and remind yourself that this is just a temporary phase, so
" LET IT BE."
9 reasons why you are stressed out as a working mother
Posted December 13, 2019
Motherhood is the most miraculous feeling in the world. Every woman wants to live the moment and share the love with their kids. But, it's not a piece of cake to manage work while being a working mother. There is always a conflict between the thought of working efficiently at the workplace and being a caring mother, which may make you feel stressed out.
Here are a few reasons that can make you feel crestfallen: 1. The guilt of slipshod behaviour: The obvious side-effect of being a working mother is slapdash behaviour, which leads to missing out on something or the other. Missing on family holidays, unable to plan meals together, overlooking priorities due to lack of time, and so on. The remorse makes one feel dolorous subconsciously. 2. Fear of imperfection: Working mothers often experience the overwhelming feeling of not being good enough. This is scientifically termed as Atelophobia. This might lead to anxiety and frustration. However, one needs to understand that it’s ok to be intermediate sometimes. Remember, you cannot make everyone happy every time, especially when you are multitasking. Sometimes the rage of achieving perfection can lead to crises in another aspect of responsibilities. So, it’s not necessary to be flawless religiously, life is still perfect with some distortions. 3. Being anxious about time management: There are always additional responsibilities, and it's daunting when it comes to time management. Since it gets fuzzy, round the bend activities, make you crazy. This confusion leads to stress. Here are a few tips and tricks that can help you with time management. 4. Lack of self-care: Personal care is a priority because unless you feel good and take a sound sleep, you cannot serve your social circle. Unfortunately, both things need to go hand in hand without laying out anyone of them. Here are a few tricks to deal with such stress. 5. Unorganized lifestyle: Do you sometimes ask yourself that is it me, why is everything so messed up? You have never been like that, and now this is the reason for your distress. When we are unable to figure out why everything is so messy, we usually get disappointed. The thought like, “ I have never been like this before” crawl on your mind. 6. Lack of parent-child connection: Being a mother's always a pleasure and wishes to communicate with the child, to understand them, and to keep a strong bond. But due to a hectic schedule, we are unable to keep up with the pace and which makes us feel frustrated. A child needs personal attention in a growing age. Here, it's not just about talking to the child but also listening and understanding their acts and body language. If not addressed in time might lead to bad habits and family conflicts. Being a mother, it's always fearful of dealing with such situations. There are cries to handle and the enormous number of mysteries to be resolved. 7. Not so needed notifications: Everyone acknowledges that unnecessary notification from social media like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc and other apps are wild-goose chase. Being a working mother the squabble of the day doesn’t allows you to think twice and consequently wastes your time and energies. 8. Ergophobia at work: Bosses are always demanding, and if you are back from maternity leaves, the situation gets worst as you have to start from scratch or update your database. This makes the working mothers feel stressed out and fear of non-performance. 9. Unable to identify time consuming vampires: Our brain consumes the information as raw as we input. It’s your conscious mind that identifies what’s wrong and right. You need to peruse and probe your mind about the prominence of your task prioritization. For example, a laborious task that do not need your personal attention must be outsourced. So create a list and identify the task. Here is the link to priority chart. You can download it or print it to setup your priorites. The best way to deal with this situation is to first simplify your thoughts. There could be many other reasons for being stressed and feeling down, although it can be fixed. Once you identify the area of stress, you need to work on that by wedging some ways. Here are some experimented tips that can help you recover, recharge, and rejuvenate the situation.